the cold can be unforgiving

although sometimes

the crisp air clears the way for the same star 

for us to stare upon together

we would walk blanketed fields together

and hear the crunching of snow beneath our boots

would we look at each other and know 

I think about that

I don’t want just one more day

I want them all

Is that asking too much

The absence is aching

as sweet spring breezes lilt around us

you could talk for hours

I would hear your stories and memorize your laugh

your mother’s heart 

pure and true

wants me to share my hopes, dreams and fears

the blooms of the season

buoy our thoughts

I don’t want just one more day

I want them all

We have both been robbed

by fate’s cruel thief

when we would lose our way

and sadness met the summer rain

stomping and spinning through puddled streets

would help hide the tears

singing at the top of our lungs with windows down

thoughts towards kicking flip flops in the sand

once beside the crashing waves 

we drifted and browned

I don’t want just one more day

I want them all

There will always be spaces

I will fill you in best I can

I’m constantly wondering where we left off

where we would go and where we should be

rustling autumn leaves have me wishing 

for more memories to help me sleep

you were young and you were strong

you’ve been gone for far too long

you were called away from home

time has been stolen from me and my mom

I don’t want just one more day

I want them all

Seasons change

And you are still not here

craving a different space

insulated by time’s present offering

unwilling to fathom its presence

I have been caught searching for yesterday, maybe tomorrow

laughter and tears 

greats of all time

always endure

I’ll always advocate for love 

I could find the way

where would we go

if you were 

by my side

would we go to the beach

and spread our toes in the sand

would we go to the mountains

and count the stars in the sky

would we go to the valley

and set the sun behind the barn

where would we go

if you were 

by my side

would we go to the park

and roam with some pups

would we sit by the fire

and hide in the shadows while we talk until dawn

would we go lay in the sheets

and drift off to dream

of course

I would go there

with you

spring smelled pretty 

there were no cares

now I am the last leaf

twisting in December air

the season tells me 

I know I am dying

another spring, I will not see

but I am hope, trying

the day is close where I lose my grip 

and begin to fall

chapters ends, chapters begin

no sense in running from life’s protocol

Do you remember being left in the rain struggling for something to say?

You said standing there so helplessly, felt familiar somehow.

Staring down leftover droplets balanced on garden petals, it felt luck was about to fall your way.

You could never remember how it all worked out.

We grew tired of dodging broken memories that worked to block the route.

Being in the moment required kicking up a little dust to clear a path.

Laying together we watched shadows paint the wishes of tomorrow.

You asked me to take your hand and move with you.

We were caught staring at the ceiling looking to be set free.

Barely holding trembling smiles, awaiting tears that wouldn’t come.

Just as I never suspected, you left me stranded.

It never felt like work, but maybe it was destined that we wouldn’t get it right.

Promise never to turn your back to girls counting starfish on the beach. 

You can’t be certain that you will be back this way.

gnawed by more than self doubt

this dynamic begs to be questioned

ripples in the shallows

can feel pretty rough

drowning in the 

clutter that surrounds us

a simple space is what we seek

envy, green and fiery 

catches the sunrise

but it is not ours

already taut with angst 

your ghosts have proved nothing, yet

hiding now has you lost

confidence was last seen 

blazing red in corners

on all days

raising courage does not come easy

often, its arrival is never met

all of us are afraid

fear does not prevent existence

it may be time for less searching

inside the thoughts of others

our words wear boundaries

while they sit unreleased 

it feels unrelenting and enormous

unseen

a paralyzing weight

can only be lifted by just one

I will not chase words unspoken 

I will tell it like it is 

the shadows no longer follow you 

miles and miles you carried it well

where are you now

as the road fades towards the evening

the sun will set

the sun will rise

regardless

counting numbered days 

reaching our end unarmed

we will once again be naked

upon the doorstep of departure

stripped down like children

no longer innocent

nowhere to hide 

the words held back

fears of your story unread 

stand unrequited

your fingertips shed

life’s path has been marked

the sun will set

the sun will rise

regardless

see me at the wheel

as words are searching for a tune 

I am staring at a toll line forming

at a distance not too far 

should have stopped paying years ago

flirting with the bottle

since the day you left

half full no more

swinging circles with my feet

searching for a familiar beat

even those who love the cold

never wish for it to stay

there is a trust 

in how you surround me

summer will not fail 

the way you look at me

finding sense one thing at a time

this chair and I

trying out words

that help me get to that line

this story is mine

but I will let you in

I only ask

that you hold the morning light

perfectly